Newest Members of the Family

Bathing a Beagle Part 1

Bathing a Beagle

Battle Plans

Anyone that has owned a beagle or a hound, in general, knows they tend to go rancid after a bit and they can get pretty darn smelly.  They like to improve on this rancidness by finding and rolling in the most disgusting thing they can find.  Then they eat it and if it was really bad, throw it up in the house where you can step in it…usually in your bare feet.  Because Bailey is essentially a house dog, when the house starts smelling like dog feet  or rank hound, it’s time to get a bath.  Fergus, the border collie, would take care of his coat.  In the warmer months, he would roll in the dust, shake off and then roll in grass.  His coat was always shiny and was rarely objectionable.  He only got a bath in the spring.

The week of the event, plan with other family members which day it will happen.  Keep the tone casual and do not use the offending b-word (bath), because you don’t want the beagle to know what is coming.  Then it will be on its guard, waiting for it.  This will complicate things because it will start living under a bed and act suspicious of everyone and be much harder to catch.  This is not usually a problem with the smaller types of beagle.  Just scoop them up and haul their tail to the tub. A big beagle, such as Bailey, is a struggle of epic proportions.  Form a game plan of who does what.  Who will lure her into the bathroom, what kind of treat will be the bait, etc.  Plan for the eventuality that the beagle figures out it’s a trap and who will grab it’s collar, who will push, who will pull, who will slam the door shut, who will wrestle it into the bath tub, who will do the restraining during the bath, what words are acceptable to say and by whom when the beast escapes the tub, who will hold the towel for it when it gets out and prepares to shake.  This is a carefully choreographed montage between man and beast.  If someone fails to do their part, the beagle gets away in a flurry of paws, possibly soap and water flinging everywhere, and it crawls underneath the bed for a week or so and will only come out at night to scavenge.  

Two days before the event, put the dog shampoo on the edge of the tub.  This will make the beagle nervous and twitchy, but leave it there until the beagle becomes accustomed to seeing it in that position.  It usually takes about 2 days for it to calm down.  The next thing is very important.  The day of the event, try to act normal.  Don’t let the beagle sense your apprehension because instead of lying in a near coma like state on the couch, it will figure out it is bath day and will crawl so far under a bed you can barely reach it with a broom.  Poking it with the broom rarely produces anything other than a sneeze from yourself and the dog when the dust is stirred up.  The skirmish in the bathroom will be postponed until the household goes back to pre-bath mode and the beagle is lured into a false sense of security.  This stand down will be an edgy time for the family. Everyone will be eying each other with suspicion, accusations will be made, the tension will be unbearable, and this scenario really ought to be avoided.  So, remember, act natural.  Do not vary the daily routine.  You must take the beagle unawares.  

When the moment of truth arrives, silently nod to the others to assume their positions and gently wake the beagle with the rustling of a bread wrapper.  Hopefully, it suspects nothing, and will come to investigate.  Do not ask the beagle if it wants a treat, it will become immediately suspicious because it never gets a treat unless it does something to deserve it.  It will know immediately it is a trap and instead of investigating will high tail it  under the bed and all will be lost. Perhaps casually make a sandwich and nonchalantly wander into the bathroom, hoping it just follows.  If it is a young beagle and this has not happened more than a few times, the likelihood this ruse will work is great.  If it is a veteran beagle who has had 3 baths a year for more than a couple of years, it is at this point it may bolt.  The best you can hope for is that it stands at the threshold looking in, measuring up the situation.  Should it go in and beg for a piece of food or should it run in a panic?  This is a crucial moment.  This hesitancy doesn’t last long and everyone needs to be prepared to take advantage of it.  Remember, your team is a well oiled machine that will spring the trap in a blink of the eye and everyone should take this as the cue to plunge into action.  The older they get, the less inclined they are to fall for a trap and are  not inclined to just come in and beg.  It is at this point the skirmish may become an epic battle.  Someone’s hand needs to be on the collar or the day is lost.  The pulling and pushing may begin in earnest and hopefully the dog did it’s contemplating very close to the threshold so the distance to the tub is not too great. If the dog stays on its feet, it is much easier to push/pull/drag the victim to its destination. Bailey has learned if she lies down it delays the inevitable by a minute or so because it’s like trying to move a sack of potatoes. She has the advantage of owners that do not want to hurt her and she uses it. This is when the sandwich should be deployed.  Put it within lunging distance of the animal. If that doesn't work,  comment on how tasty the sandwich is. Take a bite of it and thoroughly enjoy it, roll your eyes in ecstasy,  sing praises of the sandwich to the gods.  Let the beast smell it, then quickly position it within lunging distance but closer/further into the bathroom.  9 times out of 10 the beagle just goes for it and while it is gobbling down the sandwich, push it into the bathroom, slam and lock the door.  

Have a plan in place if the beagle just bolts.  It usually is a free for all and looks like a skit from the Three Stooges, but have an idea of who will do what in the event this happens.   Have someone standing by with video equipment.  It will be great viewing on You-Tube and may even go viral.

Bathing a Beagle Part 2

Bathing a Beagle, Part 2

See part 1 for the instructions leading up to this point.

OK, the beagle is in the same room as the tub, the people doing the bathing, the shampoo, and the door is locked and it can’t get away.  If the reader remembers from  part one, our beagle is a big beagle, the largest type of the breed.  Most people are surprised they come that big, but they do.  She stands 24” and should weigh around 50-55 lbs.  She hasn’t weighed this for years and is at least 10 lbs heavier.  The next task is to get the animal into the tub…exactly where it does not want to go.  There are several methods of tub preparation such as running the water before the dog gets into it, running the water after the dog gets in, both with the intention of using a pot or other such utensil to ladle water onto the dog.  If the reader is lucky enough to have one of those shower heads which can be lifted from a cradle and be used like a sink sprayer, this is the best.  It wets the dog most effectively as well as is the best at getting the shampoo out of the coat.  Not only is this method the most effective, in my opinion, but the animal does not have to suffer through listening to the water being drawn.  Though, it is always tempting to make the dog suffer if it gave a difficult time getting to this point.  Of course you may think that drawing the bath before trying to catch the beagle is a better choice, but this doesn’t work if everyone in the house takes showers.  It will know the jig is up and it is the one getting the bath. The beagle will bolt and take up residence under a bed and will only come out at night to scavenge.  Never ever do anything that will indicate to the beagle is about to get a bath because that just makes the task very much more like a circus. Make sure the temperature of the water is comfortable to your hand. Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. The dog doesn't need to be scalded or chilled...neither is good for it.  This is a good time to remind assistants that someone needs to have a hand on the collar immediately the moment the animal is in the tub.  Also, recap the rules for who is allowed to say what when the dog escapes the tub if it should escape.   Our rule is you have to be over 18 to swear and then only certain words are allowed.  One word, said with true feeling is often more satisfying than a string of foul language that goes on for minutes. One needs all the breath they can muster for recapturing the beagle.

The time has come to hoist the beast into the bath.   If it’s a smaller beagle, scoop it up lovingly in your arms and plop it in.  If it is a big dog like mine, fight with the rest of the family for a bit about who has a bad back and the loser, the one with the best back, has to do it.  It’s a much easier task if the beagle is standing.  Put one arm around it at the chest and the other around it at the hind end.  Take a deep breath, pray silently that nothing important in your body pops loose and heave it up and over the side into the tub.  But, being a beagle, it will be laying down to make the job more difficult.  It will refuse to stand and will make the owner try to snap lift it from the floor.  We have found the best way to deal with this is to get a hold of the animal under the chest and lift it.  The rest of the beagle will dangle and will be more difficult to get over the edge because it needs to be lifted high enough to get the hind feet over.  Try not to let the feet touch the edge of the tub. The dog will take this opportunity to use it as leverage and struggle some. There will be at least one frantic moment when it wriggles so much you are afraid of dropping it and to avoid this, it helps if the person doing the hoisting is tall enough to clear the beagle over the edge in one fluid motion. No matter which way you get the animal into the tub, be sure someone is ready to grab the collar because the dog knows what is coming and will not usually graciously stay put.  If someone didn’t get hold of the collar quick enough, catch the beagle and try again.  

Now the fun begins.  Mostly, the older dog resigns itself to its fate. It will stand with a  look of utter disgust on its face and tolerate what is to come. Don't expect it to cooperate, but just standing there is a big help. Younger dogs and puppies will actively fight or give you such a look of utter despair you lose heart and want to stop.  Resist!! This is just blatant mind manipulation by the beagle.  Harden your heart and proceed. 

Next, get the animal wet in any way you have planned, pouring water on it from a pot or pan or using the detachable shower head. Remember to test the temperature of the water before it touches the dog. Comfortable to you will be comfortable to the dog, though don't have it as hot as you would like. Thoroughly wet the animal. Always use a shampoo made for dogs.  First, it is like shampoo made for children in that it is not supposed to hurt their eyes if shampoo gets in them. Second, it can contain antibacterial components to keep the coat fresher longer, flea control, soothing elements to help relieve itching, and conditioners to give the dog a shiny coat.  I usually try not to wash the beagle’s head.  If you choose to, put cotton balls deep in its ears to prevent water getting in and causing a problem. Remember to remove the cotton balls when the bath is done.  Leaving the cotton balls in prevents the beagle from hearing humans chewing food and it will miss a mooching opportunity. This is devastating to the beagle and is best avoided.  Even if you don't give human food to your dog, they still like the opportunity to clean up the crumbs.   Start at the top of the dog.  Put shampoo in your hand and lather the dog’s neck and back and then work down the sides, the chest, the stomach, outside and inside of the legs, and the tail.  Rinse the animal from top down.  If you are using a detachable shower head, be careful.  Sometimes it seems the thing has a mind of its own and more than the dog gets wet.  I have managed to get myself and anyone else in the vicinity soaked to the squawking of the others and the pleasure of the beagle.  No matter how well trained you think the dog is, do not depend on telling it to stay without a hand on the collar.  No self respecting beagle will submit willingly to a bath and will have to attempt escape at least once.  Remember, you are the human and the owner, the beagle is a conniving, cute, sentient being in terrible need of a bath and persevere. 

When the ordeal is done and the shampoo is completely rinsed out of the coat and the dog is squeaky clean, drying the beast is next. This is where a hound with loose skin comes in handy.  Gently take handfuls of dog in your hand and very carefully and gently squeeze some of the water out. This can be done without hurting the dog.  They will let you know if you are too rough.   The goal is not to wring the dog dry, but to get some of the water out.  Have everyone take their places for the drying process.  The towel bearer must be ready to throw the towel on the dog as it starts to shake. Release the hold on the dog and get out of the way. It can figure out how to get out and it would really mess up a back to try and lift that weight out of the tub.  We like to give the beagle a treat for withstanding this horrible indignity.  She not only expects but demands it.  Briskly rub the beagle with the towel, perhaps using a couple of towels.  The more water you get off the beast before setting it free means the less water all over the house.  Unlock the door and set it free. 

Now you have a jubilant, sparkling clean, delightfully fragrant beagle.  You still have to clean the tub, mop up the water, find dry clothes, all while the dog is running like a crazy thing around the house rolling on the carpet, and trying like the dickens to pick up the old stink again, but the deed is done.  This is the time to sit down, pop a cold one, pour a glass and raise it to a job well done.  

 

Hopefully it is a dry dog by the time it needs to go outside because the first place it will head is to dirt to roll in it or worse…something dead.  If that is nasty enough, you'll be giving it another bath real soon. But at least now, you know how.

It Sure Is Cold....

For the record, Bailey and Elmer despise this sort of cold.  Come to think of it, so do I.  -10F last night, we're not up to zero yet and it's almost 11 am. We have to drag Bailey outside...literally.  It's almost like giving her a bath.  You ask her if she needs to go out because she hasn't asked in several hours and she runs and dives under the bed.  Elmer?  She won't go near the door.  The summer cat that we hardly ever see all summer, can't be persuaded to leave the house for any reason.  At least she has a litter pan to go in.  


Bailey hibernates, Elmer gets fidgety.  I suppose it's a cat's way of dealing with cabin fever.  She stalks around the house looking for trouble.  Fortunately for her, the cold has driven a mouse into the house.  Elmer knows it's here, but she is biding her time.  No sense catching it right off.  Drag it out to increase the time she has something to do.  


I'm going to go hibernate with Bailey.  Happiness is snuggling a warm beagle.